Why Do I Feel So Relieved When I Back Out - A 10 Minute Meditation for the Guilt of Cancelling

You sent the message, so sorry, won't be able to make it. And for about four seconds you felt wonderful. Relief. Genuine, physical relief.

The shoulders coming down, the whole evening handed back to you. And then it turned. And now here you are. Phone face down on the cushion, feeling like a terrible friend.

Hello today. Let's talk about that. Backing out at the last minute. And the guilt that arrives a few seconds later.

Hi there. I'm Martin. This is the calming anxiety podcast. I'm a clinical hypnotherapist.

And creator over two and a half thousand of these shows. And now the app anchored. Why not download it? Try out the ambient night light while it's listening to one of your favorite shows.

Now find your quiet place today. Somewhere comfy to sit or lie down where you won't be disturbed. Now here's something worth noticing. The relief and the guilt are not arguing about the same thing.

The relief is about your body, it's information, it's telling you how much you had left in the tent. That's all it's saying. The guilt though, that's your character, it's a story and it's far louder, far more confident than the relief ever is. And sometimes, not always, but sometimes, what happens is this.

The relief arrives first and we decide the relief is the truth about us. But it's not. Somewhere along the way, you may have picked up the idea that wanting to be on your own is a character flaw rather than need. But it's not.

So let's breathe together and find peace and harmony within. Today we'll use the Naadi Shodhana, the alternate nostril breathing. It's simple but powerful and effective, a very old practice. We breathe in through one side and out on the other.

If you'd like to use your hand, bring your right hand up, thumb resting gently beside your right nostril, ring finger beside the left. But you don't have to. Ready? With me.

Close the right side and breathe in through the left. Two, three, four. Swap, now breathe out through the right. Two, three, four.

Just relax a little more now. Let those shoulders drop. Let's do that again. This time we'll breathe in through the right.

Ready? Breathe in. Two, three, four. And out through the left.

Two, three, four. And now this next one, at your own pace, this time, breathing in through the left. In. And out through the right.

And now both sides, both feelings, neither one has to win. Let your hand come down now and let your breathing be perfectly ordinary again. Now feel your chest, your ribcage, rise. Ring at the top and then sink into the out breath, drifting deeply and safely within the sanctuary of your consciousness.

Maybe let your hands rest open, palms up. Feel the weight of your body supported by whatever service is beneath you. You are grounded and you are safe. Now, let me say the thing I would if you were sitting opposite me.

The relief wasn't a verdict on them. It was a message about how tired you are. You didn't back out because you don't love them or respect them. You backed out because you had nothing left to bring.

You didn't want to bring them to nothing. So let's set this emotion, this feeling down, not forever, but just for the next few minutes. Imagine that warm and polite, low and steady, somewhere just behind your ribs. And picture, if you like, a bag that you've been carrying on one shoulder all day.

Let the strap dig in just a little. Let the strap slip, go on, let it go. You're safe. You are here.

There is nothing to fear right now. And with every out breath, that gentle warm amber glow cascades out from your chest through your shoulders, your arms, through your hips and legs. And then you're covered entirely in warmth and care. So now softly in your own voice, visualize and repeat these powerful words of positive change.

I am allowed to cancel plans without being a bad person.

Feeling relieved when plans are canceled does not make me cold.

My need for rest is information. It is not a character flaw.

The guilt after saying no is a feeling it is never a fact.

I am allowed to disappoint people and still be a kind person.

I will be there another time and that counts as well.

Now relax, just a little deeper, feel the tension, the negative emotions evaporating from the very surface of your skin. Because simply put, you are worthy. And within this space, within this moment of calm reflection, here are your three daily caring tips. One, when the relief arrives, notice it for what it is, a reading on the fuel gauge, not a statement about the person you let down.

Two, let the guilt sit there without answering it. You do not have to argue with it and you do not have to obey it. Three, give yourself a little of the evening you called off, even ten quiet minutes of it, rather than spending the whole of it feeling bad. Now bring your awareness back into the space around you, filling it with love and self-worth.

Circle your fingers and then your toes. Now take a deep breath in, hold at the top and then as you exhale, roll those shoulders, stretch out the arms overhead and softly open your eyes. Thank you, genuinely, for taking care of you today. So we may never meet, I genuinely feel connected through these affirmations.

Thank you. For the rest of the day, just be kind in your thoughts to yourself. Please as well, do share this session with someone else or tell your friends about calming anxiety. It really is, just me, in my van, recording my sessions to heal the younger me.

There is no big corporation, there is no huge budget, it is all word of mouth and for that I am so grateful. Have a lovely day, don't forget my app, Anchored, kind of spent four months building that, I am a little bit proud of it, I could wax lyrical for a while. It is on Android and iOS. And for the price of a large coffee, you could get the premium version for just $5.99 a month and that takes all the adverts out.

Download everything, full access to books at bedtime. Go and be positive, smile off to my friend and then in everything we do, it's simple, as always, be kind.