Why Am I So Frightened of Needing People - A 10 Minute Meditation

Someone did something kind for you recently. Nothing enormous, they noticed something. They turned up, they said the right thing at the right time without being asked, and for about half a second it was lovely. And then something underneath it went cold, because you thought, "What would I do if they weren't here?"

And ever since, you've been quietly trying to need them slightly less. So that's what we're doing today. It's not loneliness, you've got people. That's the whole trouble.

Why am I so frightened of needing people? The ones who are still right here. Hi there, I'm Martin, your host. This is Carming Anxiety.

I'm a clinical hypnotherapist. I was a paramedic for over 20 years. And if you would like five of my top tips in controlling anxiety, simply head to CarmingAnxiety.org forward slash calm. And just download my free five tip session.

It's just there for you. All my experience to help calm your soul and mind. Now find your quiet place today. Somewhere comfy to sit or lie down where you won't be disturbed.

Headphones as well if you wish. And focus now on the simple rhythm of the rise and form of every breath.

To connect with your breathing, truly controls all of our fears.

Today's breath is come backer. And all that means is the small soft pause after the out breath. Before we start, this is not a rest, not a hold. There's nothing to grip and nothing to achieve.

And if the pause after breathing out feels at all wrong to you, then leave it out entirely and just breathe in for four and out for six. Ready? Breeze is me, my friend. In through the nose, two, three, four.

And out through the mouth, two, three, four, five, six. Now wait on empty for two seconds. Then notice the breath coming back. The in breath arrived.

You didn't have to go and get it. Let's do that again. Ready? Breathe in.

Two, three, four. And out slowly, two, three, four, five, six.

And pause, nothing happening, nothing being asked. And in the breath comes natural, unrequested. Once more, and this time I want you to notice the arriving. Ready?

Breathe in. Two, three, four. Out all the way. Three, four, five, six.

And wait just there. You don't have to ask for the next breath. And it arrives. Now let your breathing do whatever it likes.

Low pattern, no counting. Let me give you a picture. Think of that warm amber light. Low steady.

The color of a lamp left in a hallway for someone who's still out. Now that lamp is not diminished. By being used. Nobody walking through the hall takes anything from it.

It doesn't run down because someone was glad of it. That's what you've got wrong maybe about yourself. Not wrong but taught perhaps. You've been carrying the idea that every time you need someone, something is being spent.

A little bit of their patience, a little bit of your standing with them. A balance quietly going the wrong way. But a person leaning on another person isn't a debt being run up. It's just what people are for.

And I'm not going to tell you what the people in your life make of it as I don't know. But neither do you. It's allowed to stay unknown for now. So rest with me.

And say these words quietly. Warm and completely unbothered. And visualize them in your beautiful mind. I am frightened of how much I need people and needing them is not a fault.

I can let someone help me without owing them anything.

I do not have to take it back the moment I've asked.

I am allowed to matter to the people I love.

And they are allowed to matter to me.

I am not the fear of losing them. I am the one who loves them. And now drift ever deeper as you reunite mind, body and soul and love all that you are.

So once more my friend, in the beauty of your mind's eye, imagine these words bright and bold and repeat. I am frightened of how much I need people and needing them is not a fault.

I can let someone help me without owing them anything.

I do not have to take it back the moment I've asked.

I am allowed to matter to the people I love.

And they are allowed to matter to me.

To keep this sense of true understanding and self worth with you. Here are your three daily caring tips. One. Notice the little sense you add on the end when you ask someone for something.

The only if you're not busy. The honestly it's fine. Just notice it. You don't have to stop doing it yet.

Two. Let's go.

Three. If the frightened thought comes, what would I do without them? Let it be a question. You simply don't answer today.

And now my friend. Gently come back to me. The gul your fingers and now your toes. Feel the chair or the bed underneath you holding you up without being asked and without any of it being a dead.

Breathe in deeply, hope and then on the out breath, throw those shoulders and stretch out the arms and whenever you're ready, no hurry. Let your eyes open and back into the room around you. One more thing and then I'll leave you in peace for your day. I've made something for days like this.

It's free. It's simply called Martins Five Things to Try when anxiety hits. It isn't a program and there's nothing to sign up to. It's just five things worth having in your pocket so that the next time this comes around, you're not starting from nothing.

Take a look at it as a small toolbox for an evening like tonight. It's at calminganxiety.org/carm. That's calminganxiety.org/carm. Take whichever one fits and ignore the rest.

But more than that, take care of yourself, my friend. I'll be right here with you again tomorrow. So in everything, especially to who you are, be kind. [MUSIC]