Why Can't I Find the Words When Someone Asks How I Am - A 10-Minute Meditation for When You Can't Explain How You Feel

Somebody asked you today, properly asked, perhaps stopped, looked at you, said, "How are you doing?" and then actually waited. And there was a half a second wasn't there, where you had the chance to tell them. But what came out was, "Yeah, good, you." And you've been carrying that little moment around ever since. Because it felt like a lie. And your not a lie. So let's sit with that for 10 minutes, my friend. Why can't I answer when someone asks how I am? And why not having the words is not at all the same as not being honest? This is calming anxiety. I'm martin your host. I'm a clinical hypnotherapist and form a paramedic. There's no advice for the next few minutes, just company. And if you'd like more of this, there's always anchored, my own app, on iPhone and Android. There's a daily check in inside it. And this is what I like about it. There's no one on the other end. It never asks a follow-up question. You never have to explain yourself. Some days are the right amount of being asked. So why does such a small question land so hard?

For a great many of us, this can happen when you've been coping for a long stretch. You've been managing it. So let's find your quiet place today. And we're relaxing to sit or lie down whichever you prefer. And let's breathe together. Today, we'll use four to six breathing. Breathing in through our nose for four. That small rest for two. Then out through the mouth for six. The rest is the part I want you to notice. It isn't a hole. Don't grip it. Don't price against it. It's a rest. Two counts in which absolutely nothing is being asked of you. So let's begin. Ready? In through the nose. Breathe in to three, four. Rest two. And out. Two, three, four, five, six. And again, with me, breathing, two, three, four, hold two. Release two, three, four, five, six. And once more, breathing, two, three, four, hold two. Exhale, two, three, four, five, six. Now let your breath go back to its own rhythm. And maybe notice something. The pause you didn't need filling. Nothing arrived to fill it. And nothing was needed. Now, you've been treating this as a failure of honesty.

And I'd like to offer you something different. You're not lying to anyone. You just haven't read yourself properly yet. And not having the words isn't the same as not having a reason.

So let's do something kinder than hunting for words. Let's find the place where they live. So imagine these words in your thoughts. You don't have to look for them. You don't have to name them. Just allow these words to settle softly within your soul. And imagine the warm, golden light blowing through and around your chest. I do not have to explain myself to be worth asking after. I am allowed to give a short answer and still be an honest person.

Nothing in me is too complicated to be cared about. If the words come, I will use them. And if they don't, I am still here. I am safe. I am here. And there is nothing to fear right now.

Now relax truly. Feel that out breath and drift deeply with it. With every exhalation, imagine yourself drifting deeper and deeper further and further down into a natural, translike state.

Be all the warmth spreading out from your chest with every out breath. That new sense of clarity, of calmness and understanding. And then simply allow yourself to love all that you are.

And then once more within the beauty of your imagination, visualized and repeated. I do not have to explain myself to be worthy of being asked after. I am allowed to give a short answer and still be an honest person. Nothing in me is too complicated to be cared about.

If the words come, I will use them. And if they don't, well, I am still here.

I am safe. I am here. And there is nothing to fear right now. Now, feel your breathing once more. This intimate connection of the rise and form of each and every breath.

Relax now, my friend. You are as worthy as any of the eight billion souls on this planet. So take with you these three daily caring tips. One, the next time somebody asks, how are you? Just notice the half second before you answer.

You don't have to do anything differently. Only notice that it's there. Two, finish this sentence silently, but nobody but you. Honestly, at the moment, I'm just and then let whatever words turn up be the right ones, even if it's a very small word.

The three, there's one person you'd like to tell. You don't have to tell them today. Just let yourself know who they are. Now, let softly, gently come back into the space around you. Wiggle your fingers and now your toes. Feel the chair or the bed underneath you and the room around you.

Breathe in deeply, hold and then as you exhale, just roll those shoulders and stretch out the arms and when you're ready, softly open your eye. If this session helps you, there's a great deal more waiting inside anchored on iPhone and Android, including that check-in that never asks for the follow-up question. And if one of your friends, families or colleagues came to mind what you were listening, someone else who always says, "Yeah, I'm good. You might want to send them this episode. Someday, that's easier than just speaking. So take care of yourself, my friend. As always, I'll be here again with you tomorrow, so in everything, especially to all that you are.

Be kind.