Why Can't I Let Myself Look Forward to Anything — A 10-Minute Meditation for Fear of Disappointment

Something good is coming. It's booked. It's in the diary. Somebody has said yes, and yet, when anyone asks about it, you hear yourself say, "If it happens, we'll see. I'm not getting excited yet." You haven't told many people, just in case you have to untel them. And if you're honest, you haven't really let yourself look forward to it at all. If you've ever felt scared to get your hopes up, stay with me for 10 minutes. Today is about why you can't look forward to anything and what it might feel like to let yourself go. Hi there, this is the calming anxiety podcast. I'm Martin, clinical hypnotherapist. Today's episode, supported by Ankit, my own app for Karma Days, and fittingly for today, Ankit makes you know promises, no targets, no streaks, nothing to live up to. It's just there when you need it. Now let's be gentle about this, because it makes a lot of sense.

Somewhere along the way, and I'm not going to pretend I know where for you. You may have learned that hoping is risky. That if you want something and it doesn't happen, the fall is further. So you do a very sensibly sounding thing. You brace. You keep the good thing at arm's length. You say if not when. You don't want to tempt fate. It feels like protection.

But here's what I've noticed about bracing. When the disappointment doesn't come, it usually still hurts. Bracing doesn't cancel the disappointment. It only cancels the looking forward. And when the good thing does happen, then you've spent all those weeks not enjoying the run-up to something lovely. Either way, the insurance costs more than it ever pays out. So let's breathe and let the body try something different. Today we're going to use the 4-7-8 breathing.

And gently through the nose for a counter-four, deep completely filling the lungs up. A soft hold for 7, and then out slowly through the mouth for 8. The long out breath helps your body shift towards rest. And the hold? I'd like you to think of it as holding something gently, not gripping it, just letting it be there. If 7 feels too long, hold for as long as it's comfortable or skip the hold altogether. Normal breathing is always fine. So let your shoulders drop and breathe with me. Breathe in 2, 3, 4, hold gently 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and breathe out 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Maybe this one, a little practice, but just breathe however you need, but always longer out than in, always. Let's do this again, ready with me? Breathe in 2, 3, 4, hold softly 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and out and release 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. One more Round, 3-2-3-4. Hold, again, 4-5-6-7.

Exhale, 2-3-4-5-6-7-8.

Now let your breathing return completely to its own rhythm, whatever that is. Nothing to count, nothing to do. With every outrun, let the bracing drift away. Feel the surface of whatever you're sitting or lying on.

Feel it supporting you, holding you. Let those shoulders drop a little more, the jaw unclenched. You do not have to protect yourself from the possibility of disappointment right now. You are here and right now, nothing has gone wrong.

So within this space of calmness, within this moment of balance and self-love, here are your affirmations. Allow these words to settle. Feel the comfort of them, repeat them either silently or out loud. I am allowed to look forward to good things.

Looking forward to something does not make it more likely to go wrong.

My fear of disappointment has been trying to protect me and I can thank it.

Bracing does not stop the disappointment, it only stops the joy.

I can hold hope lightly, the way I held that breath.

If it does not work out, I will still be here and I will still be allowed to have wanted it. I do not have to keep expecting the worst to stay safe.

I can say when instead of if, even if just to myself.

I am allowed to be excited. Now feel your breathing once more. This intimate connection of mind and body, understanding the power, the sense of relaxation when you focus on the outrace. When you do this, you control everything, the way you think, feel and react.

To take this sense of enlightenment, of calm reflection with you, here are your three daily caring tips. One, notice the little word if, when you talk about something good that is coming. You don't have to change it, just notice it. Two, if something small is waiting for you later today, a cup of tea, a program above, you are allowed to enjoy looking forward to it now.

Three, if disappointment does arrive, notice that you are still here. It is a feeling passing through, not proof that you should never have wanted it. That's all. Now relax a little deeper.

There is nothing to achieve, just a little room to let good things be good in. Now time to come back gently into the space around you. Good your fingers, now wiggle your toes. Let your jaw soften one last time.

Breathe in deeply, hold and as you exhale, roll the shoulders then stretch out the arms and softly open your eyes. Thank you. If this helped you, there is so much more inside the app, Ankit. Search for your perfect moment of calm from over 2,500 guided sessions.

Or why not? Enjoy the books at bedtime, a growing library of over 50 books that I've narrated, for you to fall asleep to at night. And if you know someone who never lets themselves get excited about anything, why not share this show with them? They might recognize themselves in the first 30 seconds.

Thank you. Take care of yourself, my friend. I'll be right here again with you tomorrow, so in everything. Be kind.

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