Why Can't I Just Say Thank You — A 10-Minute Meditation for People Who Can't Take a Compliment

"Somebody said something lovely to you recently, and you did that thing. The little love, the wave of the hand, oh stop it. I got it in the sail, you're only saying that, or you fired one straight back at them, quick as anything, so the spotlight had somewhere else to go." And then afterwards, maybe an hour later, maybe in the car, there was that little thought, "Why did I do that again?" "You can hand out compliments all day long, but you can't take a compliment yourself." So for the next 10 minutes, let's not try to fix that, let's just notice what happens when something good is offered to you. Hi there, this is calming anxiety, I'm Martin Hewlett, clinical hypnotherapist, and former paramedic. And today is that anyone who can't accept a compliment without immediately trying to explain it away. Now just before we get settled, in that quiet place where you won't be disturbed, if you do listen regularly, please do try anchored the app. All of my shows over two and a half thousand in one beautiful little application to keep with you for whenever you need your moment of calm. Now, think about the last compliment you received, not a huge one, just something ordinary. Maybe someone like your hair, your work, something you did, the way you handled something. Now notice the first thing that happened. Did you smile or look away? Did you laugh? Did you say, "Oh, it was nothing." Did you immediately tell them where you got it? Did you give them a compliment back? None of that makes you a bad person, it just simply shows that you're well-practiced in the escape route. You don't have to agree with them, you don't even have to believe them, you just have to let their words exist for a moment. So let's bring you. Today is the gentle form of Khamhaka, a short pause after the exhale. It's not a test and you never need to hold your breath uncomfortably. Simply breathe normally and listen to my voice.

Breathe out gently through the mouth for a count of six and then rest for two or three seconds and allow the next breath to arrive comfortably. You don't need to pull it in, you don't need to earn it, you simply allow it. Let's do it together. Breathe in, just in, ready, out, two, three, four, five, six, rest, two, three and allow the next breath to arrive. Ready? Let's breathe in together this time. Breathe in, two, three, four, relax, two, three, four, three, four, five, six and rest here, two, three. The beauty is in the silence between the moments.

Just find your own rhythm, just appreciate this moment, this little gift to yourself, to find peace within. Let's do this once more. Ready? Breathe in, two, three, four, release, two, three, four, five, six, rest, two, three. Now let your breathing return completely to its own natural rhythm and just notice how little you have to do. So here's something I'd like you to consider. Maybe you're not being modest, maybe you're being quick, quick to make the nice things disappear, because if you laugh it off, correct it, explain it or throw something nice straight back at the other person, the attention moves, and that's comfortable again. But what if you didn't have to move it? What if you could let a compliment sit there for just a few seconds? Not because you have to believe it, not because you have to suddenly feel wonderful about yourself, just because somebody else meant it. With that thought in mind, here are these words to make you feel comfortable, say them silently or out loud. I can let a kind word stay with me for a moment.

I do not have to correct someone else's good opinion of me.

I can notice the urge to deflect without following it. I can allow myself to be seen without having to perform.

Receiving does not have to be perfect. I can say simply thank you.

Somebody else's opinion belongs to them. I don't have to argue with it.

I can let good things land gently. And here's the thing, I too find compliments, just difficult. We all do. It keeps us humble, but we should allow people to be kind to us and to accept that for what it is. So the next time someone compliments you, take it with grace and just hold it for a moment. Now feel your breathing with your thoughts, the in breath, filling the space within your lung, with hope, with positivity, with ambition, the pause between the in and the out breath, and then with every exhalation, relax deeply.

As if your soul, your consciousness, softly cradled, was floating deeply down. To reinforce this new way of accepting positivity and happiness, hear your three daily caring tips. One, the next time someone compliments you, notice the first sentence that appears in your mind before you answer. Two, notice what your body wants to do. Laugh, look away, change the subject or return the compliment. You don't have to stop it, just notice it. Three, if someone says something kind about you today, give yourself three quiet seconds before you decide what to think about it.

That's all. No performance, no test, just a little bit more space between the compliment arriving and you sending it back. Now gently, come back to be aware of the space around you.

Wiggle your fingers, now wiggle your toes. Let your jaw soften, roll as shoulder as once, breathe in deeply, hold, and as you exhale stretch out the arms, and back into the room in your own time. Thank you my friend. If today was useful, anchored is here now on iPhone and Android, a quiet place to come when you need a little help settling your mind. And perhaps today you can let one nice thing about yourself remain completely unargued with. Take care of yourself my friend, I'll be right here with you again tomorrow, always by your side. So in everything, every thought, word and action is simple, be kind.