Why Do I Say Sorry for Everything — A 10-Minute Meditation for People-Pleasing Anxiety

Hi there, this is Calming Anxiety. I'm your host Martin, clinical hypnotherapist, former paramedic. Someone bumps into you in the street, and you say sorry. Someone is late, and somehow you're the one apologizing. The waiter brings you the wrong order, and you say sorry. Someone talks over you in a meeting, and you say sorry. You ask a question, and then apologize for asking you. You need something, and immediately start explaining why it's really not that important. And sometimes, you apologize simply for having feeling. You cry, and before you've even wiped your eyes, you're saying sorry. You might even apologize for taking up space, for being in the way, for being inconvenient, for needing something from somebody else. And perhaps you've started to wonder, why do I do this? Why do I say sorry for everything? Because somewhere underneath all those apologies, there may be much quieter thoughts. If I'm easy enough, if I'm agreeable enough, if I don't make things difficult, if I keep everybody happy, then maybe nobody will be angry with me. My friend, that's what we're going to sit with today. That little word that comes out before you've even decided whether you've done anything wrong. Today's episode is sponsored by Anchored , my own app, and I chose it deliberately for today, because if you spend your day worrying about what everybody else needs from you, the last thing you need is another place making demands of you. Ankit doesn't need anything from you, no notifications chasing you, no streaks that you've broken, no little numbers telling you you've failed. You can come back tomorrow or next month, and it will still be there, quietly waiting. There's a link in the show notes. For the next ten minutes, no one needs anything of you, not even me. You don't have to get this right. You don't have to perform, just be. Ready with the breathing. Today, four, two, six, with every impromptu, allow your thoughts to be quiet. Ready? Breathe in, two, three, four, four, two, really, two, three, four, five, six. The two second pause matters as well. It's the moment where you pause to say no, to not apologize, to not immediately say yes. The sorry arrives before the thought. The yes arrives before you've even decided what you want to do. So practice having a little space. Ready? Breathe in, two, three, four, four, two, three, four, five, six, and again, breathe in, two, three, four, four, two, three, four, five, six, allow it to go. Let the shoulders drop, let the hands open and the jaw soften.

Now let your breathing find its own natural rhythm. Notice that little space you've created.

Nothing bad's happened. Nobody's angry. Nobody needed an answer immediately. It's simply a breath before the answer, a moment, before the apology. So within your thoughts now, in the beauty of your mind, imagine these words and repeat them. I am allowed to take up space. I do not have to apologize for existing. I do not have to apologize for having my own needs. I can ask for something without apologizing first. I can say no without being a bad person.

I will always take a moment before I answer. And relax now. Every out breath, the deepest of size, allowing the muscle fibers to loosen, to lengthen and unwind. Because simply put, you are worthy. And then once more, in the beauty of your mind, visual lines and repeat, the pause belongs to me. I am not responsible for how everyone else feels.

Being kind does not mean making myself smaller. Being helpful does not mean abandoning myself.

I can care about other people without carrying everything they feel. I am safe. I am here.

And in this moment, I am allowed to breathe. And then relax. Ever deeper, ever further, because I am simply put, you are everything. To carry this with you today, here are your three daily caring too. One, catch one sorry today before it leaves your mouth. And if it does not belong anywhere, replace it with thank you, instead of sorry I am late. Two, when someone asks you something today, don't answer immediately. Take one breath and if you need more time, say, let me think about that and come back to you. You are allowed to pause between the question and the answer. Three, before you go to sleep tonight, name one thing that you did today that you are not going to apologize for. Maybe you asked for help, maybe you said no, maybe you rested. Whatever it is, let yourself have it without guilt. Now slowly, bring your awareness back into the room or space around you. Wiggle your fingers and then your toes. Roll your shoulders back. Take a breath in through the nose and as you breathe out, soft side, stretch out the arms and back into the room you come. Taking up exactly as much space as your entitled to. Well done my friend. Ten minutes, where nobody needed anything from you and you didn't have to make yourself smaller. If today help, please do find Anchored, it's on iOS right now. Promise that Android is coming in a couple of weeks. It's got the instant calm. It's always there, it's always free, even without signal, to help in moments of panic anxiety. I'd really appreciate an instant. Thank you. And if you know somebody who apologizes for everything, me, someone who says sorry when you bump into them, also me, then send them this episode. Don't explain it. They'll probably understand why you sent it before they've even finished listening. And remember, you've done nothing today that requires you to apologize to simply being you. Take care of yourself my friend. I'll be right here with you again tomorrow. So in everything, but more, in everything to yourself, be kind.