Why Do I Feel Guilty When I Rest — Let Go of the Need to Be Productive

You finally sit down, and almost immediately your mind starts listening everything you could be doing, the washing, the message you haven't answered, that thing you said that you'd sort out. Even when you're tired, there's a voice that says you haven't quite done enough to stop, so you rest, but you don't really settle. Most of you are still working, still checking, still making a case for why you're allowed to be here. If you've been asking why do I feel guilty when I rest, these next few minutes are for you.

You don't need to finish that list before we begin. Hi there, this is Calming Anxiety, I'm your host Martin, I'm a clinical hypnotherapist and former paramedic, and this episode is sponsored by me and my little app called Anchored The instant calm button works offline, no registration, it's there for those moments you feel panicky or anxious. Download today, it's on iPhone and Android. Now find that comfy place, somewhere you can safely take this time, let your hands rest wherever they feel natural, and if you'd like just close your eyes and then notice the surface beneath you, the place where your body meets the ground or the bed or the chair, sometimes when we spend a lot of our lives being useful, stopping can feel strangely uncomfortable, perhaps you're the person who notice what needs doing, the person who remembers, the person others rely on.

Well, this is the moment for you, to stop, to start counting the breaths.

For now, just notice whether you're trying to justify these few minutes, perhaps your mind says you'll be more productive afterwards, perhaps it says you deserve this because you've worked hard, but see, just for a moment, you could leave that explanation unfinished, you are here, you're taking a little time. Let's begin by bringing our attention to the breath, we won't count today, we won't hold it, and we won't ask it to become specially deep. Simply notice an ordinary breath coming in and an ordinary breath leaving. You might feel it at your nose, the difference in temperature around your nostrils between the chin and the out breath, you might notice the small movement in your chest or body, choose whichever place feels easiest to notice, and if paying attention to your breathing feels uncomfortable, let your attention rest on your feet or the support beneath you instead.

There is no particular way you have to do this, let another breath arrive and let it leave.

Notice that you never need to prepare for the next one, you just let it happen. Perhaps the thought has already appeared, I should be doing something, notice the words without arguing with them, then feel your hands resting again. Your mind can suggest a task and you can remain here for another breath, you don't have to obey every thought immediately. Let the next breath come and go.

Notice your shoulders can soften a little, perhaps your forehead can loosen. If nothing changes, leave it alone. We don't need to turn relaxing into another job. There may be things that genuinely need your attention later, resting for a few minutes doesn't mean you've stopped caring about them.

It means that you are included among the things you care for. Feel the weight of your body again, let the chair or bed support you. Take another easy breath, just one, then choose again to find a place in your body and relax with it. This is all we're practicing, a little space between the urge and the response, a chance to notice what you need, alongside what needs doing.

If guilt is there, you don't have to make it disappear before you rest, just acknowledge it. I'm feeling guilty about stopping, but then add something gentle. I can take this moment anyway. Let those two sentences sit together.

I'm feeling guilty about stopping. I can take this moment anyway. You can be honest about the discomfort and still treat yourself kindly. There is a difference between having something left to do and having done something wrong.

Most days will end with something unfinished. Another message will arrive, another job will become apparent, another small thing will need sorting out. Get an ordinary breath coming again and then go out, no need to make the moment impressive.

Let's put a few gentle words to this. I am allowed to take a break with things still unfinished.

I need belong on the to-do list as well.

I can care about my responsibilities and still care for myself.

I do not have to make every quiet moment productive.

I will practice resting a little at a time.

Choose whichever sentence feels the most useful to you. You never have to hold on to all of them. Perhaps it's simply, my needs belong on the to-do list as well. Let that accompany the next breath and then the one after it.

Notice whether there is something there in your body that you can soften a little, your hands or your mouth. And then take this sense of balance with you. Here are your three daily caring tips. One.

Choose one task that can safely wait and let yourself take a brief break before it's finished. Give yourself the chance to experience rest without reaching the end of the list. Two. Notice the language you use when you stop if I'm being lazy appears.

Try something more accurate and taking a break. You don't need to add an accusation to an ordinary human need. Three. Make one small request if you need help.

Ask someone to share a job, give you a little time or simply keep your company. You don't have to carry everything silently. Now notice the room around you again. Bringing your awareness back to the now.

Feel the surface beneath you, my friend. Wiggle your fingers and then your toes. Take an easy breath in. Hold this time at the top and then as you breathe out, stretch out the muscles in your arms and when you're ready, open your eyes.

Before you reach for the next thing, give yourself a moment to choose it. You can move at a comfortable pace. And finally, as always, if you'd like to support the show, please listen in my app, anchored panic and anxiety. It's all by me.

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So, it's a bit of a bargain. Thank you. It's on Android and iOS, but more than that, this is about you, finding you. Have a lovely day, my friend.

Let's reconnect tomorrow. And as always, in everything, be kind.