Anxiety About a Parent's Health - I'm Scared of Losing My Mum or Dad

It's a phone call you didn't quite expect, or the way they said I'm fine, but a bit too quickly. Or just the sight of their hands on the kitchen table, older than you remember them being. And now it's late, and the house is quiet, and here it is. You're scared of losing them.

You haven't set it out loud, you've been the capable one. The one who books the appointments and keeps the tone light and says, of course, don't be duffed. You'll be right as rain. And all the while, you've been carrying something very heavy of your own.

So put it down for ten minutes, just ten. This is anxiety about parents' health. The worry that sits underneath everything, when someone you love is getting older. And you don't have to carry it alone here.

This is calming anxiety. I'm your host Martin, today in memory of Paul. Find your quiet place, somewhere comfy, somewhere to sit or lie down. And if it's safe, just let your eyes close.

Let your hands rest softly, let your shoulders drop. And if you can, place one hand very lightly at the base of your throat, just where the collarbone is made. Today's breath is vagus nerve breathing. We'll breathe in for four, and out for eight.

The out breath is always the whole thing. Twice as long, soft and low throat loops. We'll breathe in through the nose. Ready, my friend?

Breathe in two, three, four, and out. Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

Can you feel the faint hum of that under your hand? Let's do it again. Ready? Breathe in two, three, four, out, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

Let the jaw go soft, let your tongue rest, and with every out breath, truly allow yourself to sink deeply into the surface that supports you. Let's do this once more. Then two, three, four, exhale, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

And just breathe. Let the out breath be a little bit of a sigh. Let it sound like relief. Even if you don't feel it yet, the body doesn't check.

Now let your hand come down. Let your breath find its own way. Something within your chest has loosened a little. That's the vagus nerve doing its job.

Now within the beauty of your mind's eye. Imagine looking down on yourself, however you are seated or lying, surrounded by an aura of calm, easy light. It radiates, it pulsates in unison with your breathing, rising and falling, in harmony with the in and the out breath. It gathers at the top of your head and it moves down slowly through your forehead, your eyes and jaw, all the way through every fiber of your being.

And you relax ever deeper with every out breath, with every word I say, and with every being of your beautiful heart. Relax, unwind and just be. And within this moment of time, see these words in your thoughts as I say them, then repeat them silently or out loud. Whatever you choose is perfect just for you.

I am safe, I am here, there is nothing to fear right now.

I am allowed to be frightened and still be the strong one.

Worrying about those we love is not the same as protecting them.

I cannot grieve for something that has not happened. I can only lose today by spending it on tomorrow.

Today they are here, today, so am I.

I am doing enough. And imagine your frightened thoughts are like clouds. They gather, they darken, they move across you and then they pass. But you are never the clouds, you are the sky that holds them.

Relax now, truly allow yourself to one wind, to let go of sadness, of darkness.

My love for them is bigger than my fear of losing them.

I am allowed to be frightened and still be the strong one.

I cannot grieve something that has not happened. I can only lose today by spending it on tomorrow.

Today they are here and so am I.

To carry all of this with you, here are your three daily caring tips. One, bring them today about something ordinary, the garden, the football, the weather, so that not every call is about their health. Two, write down the one practical thing that is actually within your control this week and do only that single thing. Three, tell one other person, a sibling, a friend, anyone that you are finding this hard so that you are not the only one who knows.

Now gently, let's come back together, start to wiggle your fingers and now your toes.

Feel the chair or the bed beneath you, feel the room around you, one easy breath in and then as you breathe out long and soft, stretch out the arms overhead and when you are ready let your eyes open and come back all the way. You have done something kind for yourself today my friend and you did it in the middle of looking after somebody else. That is not selfish, that is how we last. If this helped you, anchored, will keep you company with the screen off in the corridor in the car on the walk back and if you know someone who is quietly carrying the same worry about their mum or dad, please share this episode with them.

They probably haven't told anyone either. Be gentle with yourself today, you are doing so much better than you realise. Yes, it has been calming anxiety, I am Martin, I will be right here with you again tomorrow so your beautiful soul in everything you do, be kind.