I'm So Tired of Starting Over - A Meditation for Setbacks

I'm so tired of starting over. If you've whispered that to yourself this week, in the car, at the sink, at 2 in the morning with the ceiling above you, then you're exactly where you need to be. You are not lazy, you are not weak, you are not behind. You are someone who has been knocked back more times than most people know about, but got up anyway, quietly, without anyone clapping for you.

So today, this is a guided meditation for setbacks, self-doubt and starting over. And it is not going to ask you to be positive. It's going to show you something you've stopped being able to see. Hi there.

This is calming anxiety and I'm your host Martin. Before all of this, I spent years as a frontline paramedic. I met people on the very worst day of their lives and then months later I'd see them again in the supermarket pushing the trolley, laughing at something on their phone, getting on with it. People get back up almost always and that's why I want to mention this.

Six years ago I started recording these meditations with a microphone and not much of a clue of what I was doing. I wanted to build an app to go alongside them. It took years and I broke more than once. I've lost everything between then and now.

And I've come back. And today, I can announce that on Thursday the 13th, that's a week today. If you're listening to this on its launch, I give you, Anchored, the app. It was approved this morning and so it's coming to you.

On iOS first and Android next month and I'm not telling you that to celebrate and telling you because I am the least remarkable piece of evidence you will ever meet that slow, interrupted, unglamerous progress is still progress. If I can do it in a van with a microphone, then whatever you're quietly rebuilding right now counts too. So let's start today. Feet flat on the floor if you're sitting.

Shoulders down away from your ears. Eyes closed if it feels alright. Today's breath is coherence breathing. You may also hear it called resonant breathing, but we breathe in time with our heart rate.

So when you breathe in at five breaths a minute, the heart rhythm of your breathing falls in step with one another. They synchronize. So with me, always in through the nose and out through the mouth. Six counts in, six counts out, no holding, no forcing, nothing clever.

Let's do it together. Then two, three, four, five, six, out, two, three, four, five, six.

Relax for a while. Just feel your body loosened. Your mind could calm. Ready?

Round two. Then two, three, four, five, six, exhale, two, three, four, five, six.

Even an unhurried. Let the belly rise. Let the belly fall. Ready?

Round three. Breathe in. Two, three, four, five, six. Breathe out.

Two, three, four, five, six. Beautiful. If you can, keep that rhythm going underneath everything now. You don't need to count anymore.

Your body has the shape of it. You are safe. You are here. Within this moment of calmer reflection, of acceptance, let these words settle.

As always, you don't have to believe them yet. Just allow them to land. See them in your thoughts as I say them. I am still here, and that is not a small thing.

I have come further than I have ever given myself credit for.

I am not behind. I am on my own path at my own pace.

Setbacks have shaped me. They have not stopped me. I am allowed to begin again as many times as it takes.

I am building something. Even on the days it doesn't quite show. The quiet work I am doing still counts.

I am becoming resilient one ordinary day at a time.

And relax with every outpress. Imagine yourself drifting down further and further into a natural, beautiful, trans-like state, deeper and deeper with every outpress, with every word I say.

Relax and unwind, and then once more in the beauty of your imagination.

Imagine and repeat. I am still here, and that is not a small thing.

I have come further than I have ever given myself credit for.

I am not behind. I am on my own path at my own pace.

Setbacks have shaped me.

I am allowed to begin again as many times as it takes.

The quiet work I am doing still counts.

Every setback I have survived is already inside me as strength.

I am becoming resilient one ordinary day at a time.

And to carry this with you, to build on all that you are. Here are your three daily caring tips. One, write down one thing you have already survived this year and read it back to yourself tonight before sleep. Two, choose the smallest possible next step, so small it feels almost silly and do only that today.

Three, when you catch yourself measuring how far you have left to go, turn it around deliberately and measure how far you have already come. Now time to bring yourself back into the now. Wiggle your fingers, wiggle your toes, feel the chair or the bed or the floor underneath you taking your weight. A slow breath in and on the long breath out, stretch out your arms and when you are ready, open your eyes and come back to the room.

Before you go, one small thing I would be really grateful. Anchord launches on Thursday the 13th of August. Could you put it in your diary now while you are thinking of it before the day takes over? Maybe set an alarm on your phone, write it in the calendar or on the fridge, whatever it is so you will see it.

Because launch day genuinely matters for something like this. The more of us who arrive on the same day, the further it travels and the further it travels, the more people it reaches who need it that have no idea it exists yet. Thursday 13th of August. That's the day this goes out to the world.

And if today's episode found something can you, please share it with someone who has been knocked back lately, you probably know exactly who. Sleep well my friend or go gently into your day. I'll be right here with you again tomorrow. So in everything my friend, be kind.