Alice in Wonderland Chapter 9

Books at Bed time. Alice in Wonderland, Chapter 9, The Mock Turtle Story. You can't think how glad I am to see you again. You dear old thing, said the Duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately into Alice's, and they walked together.

Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and thought to herself that perhaps it was only the Pepper that had made her so savage when they'd met in the kitchen. When I'm a Duchess, she said to herself, not in a very hopeful tone though, I won't have any Pepper in my kitchen at all. Soup does very well without. Maybe it's always Pepper that makes people hot tempered, she went on.

Very much pleased that Heaven found out a new kind of room, and vinegar that makes them sour, and chamomile that makes them bitter, and and sparly sugar, and such things that make children sweet tempered. I do wish people knew that, and then they wouldn't be so stingy about it, you know? "Ah well, it's a moral," I daresay, said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree to everything that Alice said. "There we true," said the Duchess, "for the Mingos and Mustards both bite, and the moral of that is, birds of a Pepper flock together.

"Only Mustard isn't a bird," Alice remark. "Right as usual," said the Duchess. "What a clear way you have of putting things." "It's a mineral," I think, said Alice.

"Of course it is," said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree to everything that Alice said. "There's a lurch mustard mind near here, and the moral of that is, the more there is of mine, the less there is of yours." "Oh I know," exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to that last remark, "It's a vegetable, it doesn't look like one, but it is." "I quite agree with you," said the Duchess, "and the moral of that is, be what you would seem to be, or if you'd like it put more simply, never imagine yourself not to be otherwise, and that it might appear to others."

"Mmm, I think I should understand that better," Alice said very politely, "If I'd written it down, but I can't quite follow it as you say it." "That's nothing to what I could say if I chose," the Duchess replied, "In a pleased tone." "Pray, don't trouble yourself to say anything longer than that," said Alice. "Oh, don't talk about troubles," said the Duchess, "I make you a present of everything I've said as yet."

"A cheap sort of present," thought Alice, "I'm glad they don't give birthday presents like that, but she did not dare say that out loud." Thinking again, the Duchess said, with another dig of her sharp little chin, "I've a right to think," said Alice sharply, for she was beginning to feel a little worried. Just about as much right, said the Duchess, "as pigs have to fly, and, but there, so Alice is great surprise, the Duchess's voice died away, even in the middle of her favourite word, Moron, and the arm that was tucked into her began to tremble." Alice looked up, and there stood the queen in front of them, with her arms folded, frowning like a thunderstorm.

"A fine day, your Majesty, the Duchess began in a low, weak point. Now, I give you fair warning, shout at the queen, stamping on the ground as she spoke. Either you or your head must be off, and that in about half an hour, no time. Make your choice."

The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment. "Let's go on with the game," the queen said to Alice, "and Alice was too much frighten to say a word, but slowly followed her back to the crow-quake round." The other guests had taken advantage of the queen's absence, and were resting in the shade. However, the moment they saw her, they hurried back to the game, the queen merely remarking that a moment's delay would cost them their lives.

All the time, they were playing, the queen never left off quarreling with the other players, and shouting, "Off with this head, or off with her head." Those whom she sentenced were taken into custody by the soldiers, who, of course, had to leave off being archers to do this, so that by the end of half an hour or so, there were no archers left, and all the players, except the king, the queen, and Alice, were in custody and under sentence of execution. Then the queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to Alice, "Have you seen the mock turtle yet?" "No," said Alice, "I don't even know what a mock turtle is."

"It's what mock turtle seep is made of," said the queen. "I've never seen one or heard of one," said Alice. "Come on, then," said the queen, "and he shall tell you of his history." As they walked off together, Alice said the king's say in a low voice to the company generally, "You are all pardoned."

"Come," said Alice, "that's a good thing," she said to herself, "for she had felt quite unhappy at the number of executions the queen had ordered." They very soon came upon a griffin, laying fast asleep in the sun, "up, lazy thing," said the queen, and take this young lady to see the mock turtle, and to hear his history. "I must go back and see after some executions I've ordered." As she walked off, leaving Alice alone with the griffin, Alice did not like the look of the creature, but on the whole she thought it would be quite as safe to stay here with it as go after the savage queen, so she waited.

The griffin sat up and rubbed his eyes, then it watched the queen until she was out of sight, then it chuckled. "What bun," said the griffin, "half to itself, half to Alice." "What is the fun," said Alice. "Why?" she said the griffin, "in all her fancy that they never execute nobody, you know, come on."

Everybody says, "Come on here," thought Alice, as she went slowly after it. I never was so ordered about it in all of my life, never. They had not gone far before they saw the mock turtle in the distance, sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of a rock, and as they came nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart would break. She pitted him dearly, "What is this sorrow?" she asked the griffin, and the griffin answered, "Very nearly in the same words as before."

It's all his fancy that. He hasn't got no sorrow, you know. "Come on." So they went up to the mock turtle, who looked at them with large eyes full of tears, but said nothing.

"This here young lady," said the griffin, "she wants for to know your history," she said. "I'll tell it hers," said the mock turtle, "in a deep, low, hollow tone, sit down both of you, and don't speak a word to life, then he." So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice thought to herself, "I don't see how he can never finish if he doesn't begin, but she waited patiently."

"Once," said the mock turtle at last, "with a deep sigh, I was a real turtle."

These words were followed by a very long sentence, broken only by an occasional exclamation of "hick" on the griffin, and the constant heavy sobbing of the mock turtle. Alice was very nearly getting up and saying, "Thank you, sir, for your interesting story, but she could not help thinking that there must be more to come, so she sat still and said nothing." When we were little, a mock turtle went on at last, more calmly, though still sobbing a little now and then. We went to school in the sea.

The master was an old turtle. We used to call him "Tortoy." Why did you call him "Tortoy?" If he wasn't one, ask the Alice.

We called him "Tortoy," because he "Tortoy," said the mock turtle angrily. "Really? You are very down." You ought to be ashamed of yourself asking such a simple question, added the griffin, and then they both sat silent and looked at poor Alice, who felt ready to sink into the earth.

At last, the griffin said to the mock turtle, "Drive on, old fellow. Don't be all day about it," and he went on in these words. "Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you may believe it." I never said I didn't interrupt it, Alice.

You did, said the mock turtle. Hold your tongue, added the griffin before Alice could speak again. The mock turtle went on. We had the best of education.

In fact, we went to school every day. "I've been to a day school too," said Alice. "You needn't be so proud as at all." With extras asked the mock turtle a little anxiously.

"Yes," said Alice. "We learnt French and music." "And washing?" said the mock turtle. "Of course not," said Alice, and dignified me. "Then yours wasn't a very good school," said the mock turtle, in a tone of greater relief.

"Now, at ours, they had at the end of the bill French music and washing extra." "You couldn't have wanted it much," said Alice, living at the bottom of the sea. "I couldn't afford to learn," said the mock turtle with a sigh. "I only took the regular course."

"What was that?" inquired Alice, "reeling and riding, of course, to begin with," the mock turtle replied.

And then the different branches of arithmetic, ambition, distraction, aglification and derision. "I've never heard of aglification," Alice ventured to say, "What is it?" The Griffin looked up and lifted both its paws and sobribe. "Never heard of aglifying it exclaimed.

You know what to beautify as I suppose?" "Yes," said Alice, doubtfully, "it means to make anything prettier." Well then, the Griffin went on. If you don't know what to aglify as, you are a simpleton.

Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about it, so she turned to the mock turtle and said, "What else had you to learn?" "Well, there was mystery," the mock turtle replied, counting off the subjects on his flappers, with mystery, ancient and modern, with geography, then drawing. The drawing master was an old Konga eon, they used to come once a week. He taught us drawing, stretching and fainting in coil.

"What was that light," said Alice. "Well, I can't show it to you myself, the mock turtle, so I'm too stiff, and the Griffin never learned it." "Hadn't time," said the Griffin. "I went to the classical master, though.

He was an old crab. I never went to him, the mock turtle said with a sigh. He taught laughing and grief," they used to say. "So he did," said the Griffin.

"Sine, in his turn, who both creatures his dev bases in their pool. And how many hours a day did you do lessons," said Alice, in a hurry to change the subject. "10 hours the first day," said the mock turtle, "nine the next and so on." "What a curious, planet-sclaimed Alice."

"There's a reason they called it lessons the Griffin remarked, because they lesson from day to day." That was quite a new idea to Alice, and she thought it over little before she made her next remark. Then, the 11th of May, must have been a holiday. Of course it was," said the mock turtle.

"And how did you manage on the 12th, Alice went on eagerly?" "That's enough about lessons," the Griffin interrupted, in a very decided tone. Tell us something about the games now.