A Loving Kindness Meditation for When You're Being Too Hard on Yourself

Take a deep breath in and then let it go. You are here, you are safe and for the next 10 minutes we are going to do something that might feel and familiar. We are going to be kind to ourselves, genuinely, quietly kind. Thank you for being here.

My name is Martin, I'm a clinical hypnotherapist and former frontline parametri. In all my years working in emergency medicine, one thing became clear to me. The people who struggled most weren't those in the greatest danger. They were the ones who had forgotten how to be gentle with themselves.

Today we put that right. Before we go anywhere, let's settle the body first. We are going to use the breath that I return to again and again. In for full, hold the two and out for six.

That extended exhale is the direct signal to your vagus nerve. The brake pedal of your entire nervous system. Every time you complete that cycle, your body begins to understand there is no emergency here. Let's do this together now.

Ready? In through the nose. In. Two.

Three. Four. Hold. Two.

And out. Slow and full. Three. Four.

Five. Six. Feel your shoulders dropping away from your ears. And again, with me.

In. Two. Three. Four.

Hold. Two. And release. Two.

Three. Four. Five. Six.

The muscles in your jaw soften. The scanning, the self-criticism beginning to lose its grip. One more time, ready? In.

Two. Three. Four. Hold.

Two. Exhale. Two. Three.

Four. Five. Six. Well done.

Stay here with me. Let your breathing now find its own gentle rhythm. And follow me into this within the beauty of your imagination. I want you to picture yourself sitting in a quiet garden.

A light is soft and golden. The air is warm. Around you. Nothing is asking anything of you.

Nothing needs to be fixed, answered or achieved. You have simply arrived here. And that, my friend, is enough. Now, as you sit in this garden, I want you to think of a moment about how you speak to yourself.

Not out loud, but inside, in the quiet moment of your own mind, when no one else can hear. For most people who struggle with anxiety, but in a voice is not kind. It is a watchful, critical. It points out every flaw, replays every mistake and asks, "Why aren't you better by now?"

As a paramedic, I sat with people on the worst days of their lives. So what I noticed every single time was that they were never as broken as they believed themselves to be. The gap between how harshly people judge themselves and how much they actually deserved that judgment, the gap was enormous. You are in that gap now.

The part of you that is exhausted from trying so hard, from holding it together, from tearing the weight of your own expectations. That part deserves something different today. It deserves what we are about to give it. So within, this quiet garden, I want you to let these words settle into you.

Don't analyse them. Don't judge whether you believe them yet. Simply receive them. The way the ground receives the rain, repeat them quietly in your mind as I speak them.

I am doing the best I can and that is enough.

I am allowed to be a work in progress. I release the need to be perfect in order to deserve peace.

I am worthy of kindness, especially for myself.

I am not my worst days.

I choose to be gentle with myself today.

Deep enough, softening, letting those words travel further in, past the thought of the thinking mind, down into the part of you that is always known they were true.

So once more, allow these words to settle even deeper this time into the subconscious where the real change begins. I am doing the best I can and that is enough.

I am allowed to be a work in progress. I release the need to be perfect in order to deserve peace.

I am worthy of kindness, especially for myself.

I am not my worst days. I am not my hardest moments.

I choose to be gentle with myself today.

Further and further into a wonderful state of stillness now because simply put you are worthy of this. And as you rest here, here are your three daily caring tips. One, notice me in a voice, just for today. Pay attention to how you speak to yourself when something goes wrong.

You don't need to silence it, just notice it. Awareness is always the first step. You cannot change what you cannot see. Two, the self-compassion pulls.

When you feel the tightness of self-criticism arriving, place one hand gently on your chest and say quietly, "This is hard." And I am trying. That single act, warmth, acknowledgement and self-pubation activates the same calming response as receiving kindness from another person. And three, one thing you did right.

Before you sleep tonight, find one thing, just one that you handle today, not perfectly, just handle. And he tells us where we are failing constantly. The evidence almost always disagrees. Now begin to come back into the room with all your fingers and toes.

Bring your awareness gently back to the world around you. Take one deep breath in. And as you exhale, stretch out the muscles in your arms and legs. And then open your eyes.

You did something quietly courageous today. You chose kindness, not for someone else, but for yourself. And that my friend is not small, but is everything. If today's session helped you and you haven't already, please do subscribe and share this on your social media to help another friend or family member.

For calminganxiety.fm, we go much deeper. I'm here every single day with you. Be positive to yourself. You are stronger than you feel.

And in everything, my friend. Be kind.