How to Be Kind to Yourself When It Feels Impossible

What would it feel like to treat yourself the way you treat the people you love? Not with pressure, not with criticism, just with simple quiet kindness? Today the 10 minutes we're going to practice exactly that. Hi there, and welcome, this is Calming Anxiety, your 10 minutes of daily sanctuary.

I'm Martin, clinical hypnotherapist and former frontline paramedic. And before we go any further today, I want to mention something really close to my heart. An old friend and long time listener to this show, someone who's been part of this community since the very early days, has recently launched a GoFundMe campaign on my behalf. The campaign is to bring brand new app, Anchored, to life on both iOS and Android.

Anchored is designed to sit alongside this podcast, a dedicated space for calm, wherever you are. If you click the GoFundMe link in today's shows notes and then drop me an email after you donated, I will personally give you a lifetime access to the premium content. That means, add free calming anxiety for life, the audio books, the long sleep sessions, everything. Simply as a thank you, from me to you.

The link is in the show notes below. If you've ever thought about doing something kind for yourself today, well, this might be just the moment. But right now my friend, let's begin. FInd somewhere comfortable, seated, or lying down, wherever you feel safe, we'll start with our vagus nerve breathing.

This is the 426 pattern. In for four, pulled for two, out for six. The long exhale activates your parasympathetic nervous system. It tells your body.

We are safe. We can soften. Ready with me. In three on those, two, three, four, hold, two, out through the mouth, three, four, five, six.

6 and again in 2 3 4. Hold 2 out 2 3 4 5 6 One more time in 2 3 4. Hold 2 out 2 3 4 5 6.

Good. Let your breath return to its own rhythm now. Just breathe naturally and I'd like you to imagine a simple room not grand not perfect just warm. There's a soft light coming through the window. Maybe it's morning, maybe it's late afternoon, the light is golden and still.

You are sitting in this room and within this room there are no rules about how you should be. No productivity, no performance, no inner scorecard running in the background. There is just you within the warmth and the gentle light. Now I want you to notice something, there is someone sitting opposite you.

And this person, they look at you with complete and total acceptance. Not because you've done anything to earn it, not because you've got everything right this week.

Just because you are here, because you showed up, because you pressed play. As a paramedic, I never once arrived at someone's side and assessed whether they deserved my help first.

No one does that, no one should. And yet so many of us do it to ourselves every single day. We make ourselves prove we deserve rest, prove we deserve care, prove that we are enough before we allow ourselves to be kind to ourselves. So I want you to let that go right now, not forever, not with some big dramatic release, just for this moment, in this room, with this gentle light.

Let the person opposite you smile at you. Let them say, without words, simply by the way they look at you, you are allowed to rest, you are allowed to be kind to yourself, not after, not when things are sorted, but right now, as you are. Notice what happens in your chest when you let that in, even slightly, even just at the edges. Maybe there is a small softening, a small outrest of something you've been holding.

That is kindness, that is what it feels like when you stop fighting yourself, even briefly.

Stay with that feeling. Breathe into it, let the warm light fill the room, a little more with every rise and form of your chest. And now, in the quiet of this space, hear these words, let them settle wherever they land. I am allowed to be kind to myself.

I do not need earn rest, it is already mine. I treat myself with the same care I would give to someone I love.

Being kind to myself is not weakness, it is the strongest thing I can do.

I choose right now to be gentle.

Now just drift, let the room hold you, the light, the warm, the quiet, with every outrest, imagine a layer of self-criticism softening, not gone, not forth, just loosening its grip slightly, like a fist slowly opening. And as you hold on to this calm, hear your three caring tips for today.

One, the kindness redirect. Today, when you notice that in a critic starting, the voice that says not enough should have done more, pause and ask, what would I say to my best friend in this moment, then say that to yourself instead?

Two, the two minute act, do one small thing today that is purely your, not productive, not for anyone else, tea held with both hands, a five minute walk with no destination, a moment sitting in the sun, allow yourself to enjoy it without guilt, and three, the bedtime checking, tonight before you sleep, ask yourself, was I kind to myself today, not perfect, not good enough, just kind, even one moment counts, notice it, hold it, that is programmed. Now gently wiggle your fingers and toes, bring your awareness back into the room, take a deep breath in my friend, and on the out breath have a long slow stretch. And when you're ready, open your eyes. You did something important today, you chose kindness, not for anyone else, for yourself, and that my friend is not a small thing.

If you're ready to go deeper, come and check out the anxiety circuit breaker course at calminganxiety.fm and please don't forget the go fund me link that anchored is in the show notes below, your support means the world and helps me bring it to market sooner. I'm here every single day, every day, smile, be positive, and be kind.